Discussion in 'Hangout' started by ramjn, Apr 27, 2012.
One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on
- New York
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on
accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat
One hand on horn,
one hand on holding gear,
one ear listening to loud music,
one ear on cell phone,
one foot on accelerator,
one foot on clutch,
nothing on break,
eyes on females in next car,
Welcome to INDIA!!!!!!
Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
Customer : How much is the rate of banana ?
Salesman : 1 rupee.
Cus : 60 paisekku varadha??
Sal : 60 paisekku thol than varum.
Cus : Intha 40 paisea. thola vachukittu palatha kudu
Typical answer !
how to kill a husband
Correct answer would be 5.
You know you're a drunk when:
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Job interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Career won't progress beyond MP from Pune.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
9. Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
10. You can focus better with one eye closed.
11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12. You fall off the floor...
13. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
14. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
15. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
16. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
17. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, yet you are fully clothed (other than your missing underwear).
18. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
19. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women].
20. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
---------- Post added at 10:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:07 AM ----------
Beer makes you smarter
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular attrition of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
---------- Post added at 10:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:09 AM ----------
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House
A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen. And This Kitchen Is Delirious
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean – Eat Out
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
---------- Post added at 10:14 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:12 AM ----------
Copy of one comment on this article re India winning against Pak in the T20 world cup:
India defeat leaves Pakistanis in a fury - The Times of India
Jo maza hai pakistan ki haar mein
Wo na ishqq mein na pyaar mein
Na motor mein na car mein
NA dil mein na dildar mein
JO maza hai india ke haathon pakistan ki haar mein.
Na ghar mein na baazaar mein
na baagh na bahaar mein
na 7 samundar paar mein
Jo maza hai india ke haathon pakistaan ki haar meinNa aam na Anaar mein
na chatni na achaar mein
Na hichki na dakaar mein
Jo maza hai india ke haathon pakistaan ki haar mein
Na tape na VCR mein
Na sur mein na taal mein
Na paayal ki jhankaar mein
20 years back :
Host: What a surprise. It was really nice to see you all here. Please come.
Guests: We have started early morning. Have you finished break fast?
Host: Don't worry we make enough for an unexpected guest. Please come and have food first
10 years before:
Host : It is nice to see you. How come you are here?
Guest : I thought I will give you a surprise
Host : Please come. It is a matter of 1 hour for break fast.
5 years before:
Host : Hello, who? Mr.... What a surprise
Guest : We are planning to come to your place........
Host : That is nice. ... Oh Friday may not be possible. Why not after two days. We all will be free.
Guest : Oh not a problem at all.
In Future after 10 years if the prices and scarcity of cooking gas goes like this
Host : Hello. Nice to hear from you after such a long time
Guest: We are thinking of making a trip to your place.
Host: That is nice but our cylinder quota has finished. We are some how managing with a borrowed cylinder.
Guest : Oh that is bad
Host : No problem. You can come with food. We can enjoy it here. I forgot to mention that My daughter doesn't like too much mirchi
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good
The wife answers : 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for
The husband laughs and says: 'An Italian girl !!!'
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: 'So, honey, how
was the trip?'
'Very good, thank you.' 'And, what happened to my present?'
'Which present?' She asked.
'The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!'
'Oh, that' she said
'Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for 9 months to see if it is a girl !!!'
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are sometimes dangerously intelligent!
My friend shared it on FB yday !!! couldnt stop laughing !!!
Separate names with a comma.