Discussion in 'Hangout' started by NAREN64, Jul 13, 2010.
:clap :evilsmile :evilsmile :evilsmile :drinks :lol:
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the feckin height of
this flagpole, but we don't have a feckin ladder.'
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a
few bolts and laid the flagpole down.
She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few
measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.
Then, she walked off.
Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the
feckin height and she gives us the feckin length.'
Who said men don't remember anniversaries?
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from is coffee,
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
"Yes I do," she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.
"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."
Banta got his first job, came home and told his parents the good news. He told them, but I will not get any vacation until I get married.
His father asked him, "How is that?"
Banta explained that the benefit manual says, "Vacation time may not be taken until you have had your first anniversary."
Sardar: I haven’t slept all the night in the train.
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t U exchange?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth …
Boss to Secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.
Secretary to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself
Husband to Secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let’s spend the week together.
Secret lover to Small boy (whom she is giving private tuition): I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.
Small boy to Grand-father: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Let’s spend the week together.
Grandpa (the 1st boss) to Secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.
Secretary to Husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband to Secret lover: We cannot spend this week together; my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover to Small boy: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy to Grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.
Grandfather to Secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement.
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh No," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
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:lol: : :clapping ::V :dancing ...
ha ha ha.... we need more....
Submarine Race!!!!! :dance :dancing
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