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HUMOR - Ha hA Ha

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by NAREN64, Jul 13, 2010.

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  1. Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems.

    The Indian man said to the American, 'We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

    The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love ......I'll tell you my story. 'I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

    Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.

    Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson."

    AND YOU SAY YOU HAVE FAMILY PROBLEMS

    The Indian fainted........!!!
  2. In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

    On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
    (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

    On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
    (The shoplifter special)

    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
    (And that would be how...?)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
    (But it's just a suggestion)

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."
    (Too Late!)

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
    (As night follows the day...)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
    (But wouldn't this save time?)

    On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
    (One would hope)

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    (As opposed to what?)

    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
    (I gotta admit, I'm curious)

    On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
    (Talk about a news flash)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
    (Step 3: Fly Delta)

    On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
    (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one)

    On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
    (I gotta wonder...was there a problem with this happening somewhere?)
  3. arichakra

    arichakra

    Messages:
    32
    Kolkata
    The Soap Story is just mind blowing Aanand, thanks for sharing.
  4. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    Messages:
    195
    Pune
    Thanks arichakra.

    Here are 30 Tips for making the most of your IT department
    1. When IT say they're coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for us to remember 700 network passwords.
    2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
    3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
    4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
    5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone line.
    6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
    7. When you call a helpdesk engineer's direct line rather than the helpdesk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
    8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
    9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the helpdesk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
    10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
    11. When you have a helpdesk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
    12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
    13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
    14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
    15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
    16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
    17. When you have an IT bod fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy .
    18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
    19. When a helpdesk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
    20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
    21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
    22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
    23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
    24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the helpdesk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
    25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
    26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
    27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
    28. When you bump into an IT bod in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
    29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
    30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
  5. [attachment=0:2j8644ch]180702_10150147153016340_663886339_8172624_3981577_n.jpg[/attachment:2j8644ch]

    180702_10150147153016340_663886339_8172624_3981577_n.jpg
  6. Epic Suicide! ::D

    [attachment=0:1qyeri75]183907_499403285753_642890753_6785409_2243522_n.jpg[/attachment:1qyeri75]

    183907_499403285753_642890753_6785409_2243522_n.jpg
  7. varoon9999

    varoon9999 Superiore

    Messages:
    769
    New Delhi,HP 48
    New Delhi,HP 48
    Grande Punto 1.3
    Re: Fiat India Grand Meet


    something funny....felt like sharing with you... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    140220111333.jpg
  8. A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
    One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says,
    "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies.
    "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
    "No thanks," the man replies.
    "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
    "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously,
    but complies to protect his hidden position. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off. "Yes it is," replies the man. "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
    "Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
    The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
    "I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
    "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.
    At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

    "Don't you start that shit in here," the priest says:)
    :):)
  9. MOD NOTE: POST DELETED.

    Chaos
  10. PaddleShifter

    PaddleShifter Staff Member Janitor

    Messages:
    2,697
    Chandigarh
    Grande Punto 1.3
    :evilsmile Really clever kid.

    I found this news to be quite funny. ::T
    [attachment=2:29n9mfl1]Funny.jpg[/attachment:29n9mfl1]

    Also, adding a few more pics:
    [attachment=1:29n9mfl1]securedownload1.jpg[/attachment:29n9mfl1]
    [attachment=0:29n9mfl1]securedownload2.gif[/attachment:29n9mfl1]

    Funny.jpg

    securedownload1.jpg

    securedownload2.gif
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