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HUMOR - Ha hA Ha

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by NAREN64, Jul 13, 2010.

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  1. Kamran Akmal is such a bad wicket keeper, he can't even catch a flu. Not
    even if he stood naked in sub zero temperatures in Siberia!

    What do Kamran Akmal and Michael Jackson have in common? Both wear gloves
    for no apparent reason.

    In pin drop silence, guess who drops the pin? Kamran Akmal!

    Kamran Akmal is every robber's dream, because he will never be able to
    catch them.

    Why did Kamran Akmal have to walk back to the team hotel after the match?
    Because he failed to catch the bus!

    Maybe Kamran Akmal would have been a better wicket keeper if his hands were
    as big as his teeth.

    Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind Ross Taylor, there is
    Kamran Akmal.

    Why is Umar Akmal the best batsman in the Akmal family? Because he got the
    most chance to bat in the back yard as Kamran Akmal kept dropping him.

    What do Kamran Akmal and a funnel have in common? Both let things through

    Its time to drop Kamran Akmal, just so he knows how the ball feels.

    If Kamran Akmal was a South American footballer, his mistakes would have
    cost him his life by now.

    It's Ross Taylor's birthday! Shoaib Akhtar delivered the cake, Abdul Razzaq
    the candles, and Kamran Akmal blew them.

    Kamran Akmal will make a very good footballer because he will never be
    required to use his hands to catch the ball.

    Why do parents trust their daughters with Kamran Akmal? Because they know
    he will always drop them home.

    Ever wondered how the third best wicket keeper in the Akmal family is the
    first choice wicket keeper in the country?

    If a movie were to be made starring Kamran Akmal, it title would be "The
    one who dropped the ball".

    What is the one thing that Kamran Akmal is really good at? Clapping!
    Because he's always eager to put his hands together before the ball reaches

    "Kamran Akmal could be a good brand ambassador for Save Water campaign..........'Every drop counts'!
    Kamran Akmal thinks that the meaning of 'wicket keeping' is to KEEP the opponent's wickets safe."

    "Kamran Akmal is so immune. He didn't even catch fever!"

    "If Ross Taylor was on Twitter, he would have set his background picture of Kamran Akmal"

    "I hope that Kamran Akmal's wife doesn't let him hold their babies."

    "The US administration will be happy to know that Raymond Davis is no longer the most hated man in Pakistan...Kamran Akmal has replaced him."

    "If there is an award for generosity to the opposition in cricket, Kamran Akmal would take the award this year for the 2nd year in a row!"

    "By all means Kamran Akmal is the most consistent wicket keeper in the world when you talk about dropping catches."

    "Kamran Akmal's proposed autobiography tentatively titled 'Drop dead gorgeous: my life and the leaks behind the wicket'."

    "Kamran Akmal has been nominated the most fierce player as he has ended the most cricket careers e.g Danish Kaneria and now Shoaib Akhtar."
  2. Dilip_dmk

    Dilip_dmk Superiore

    Delhi, India
    New Delhi
    Grande Punto 1.2
    The best PJ ever -

    Ratan Tata Hates AR Rehman !!!

    Guess Why ???????


    He Made D Song

    ' Jiya Jale Jaan Jale,
    NANO Tale Dhuan Uthe '

  3. Tony

    Tony Esperto

    Kalamboli, Navi Mumbai
    Grande Punto 1.2
    * I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Cheque books. :hit

    * The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new cars. :car

    * What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink. :A

    * What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
    Ans: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. ::OO

    * Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal. ::V

    * Q: Why dogs don't marry?
    Ans: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

    * Q: What's the difference between mother & wife?
    Ans: One woman brings you into the world crying and the other ensures that you continue to do so.

    * Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
    Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly. :lol: :lol:

    * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. :helmet
  4. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    Indian History by a schoolboy
    Supposedly written by a schoolboy with all original spellings :
    The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Daro. These cities had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them.

    Ancient India was full of myths which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because they were our incestors.

    In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as Mera Bharat Mahan.

    In mid evil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi because of its pollution.

    They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana.
    But his son Jehangir was peace loving. He married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines.
    Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there.

    The King sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started quarrelling. Dara Seiko was sent to Ulta Pradesh, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J&K, while Orangezip came to Bombay to fight Shivaji.

    However, after that they changed its name to Mumbai because Shivaji's Sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so they are calling it Door Darshan.

    After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising India with a 100 foot clipper. Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as cricket, tram tarts and steamed railways.

    They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry. But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since the British had the queen on their side.

    Eventually, the British came to over rule India because there was too much diversity in our unity. They over ruled India for a long period. They were great expotents and impotents. They started expoting salt from India and impoting cloth.

    This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt.
    This was called the Swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths in the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.

    In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after, he became the Father of the Nation. In 1942, he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the British were quietly lootoing our country.

    In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our population. Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police. Our constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not paid your taxis.

    Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be changed.
    This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not written on paper. The Indian parlemint consists of two houses, which are called lower & higher. This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself can not with stand.

    So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were afraid of the dark. At midnight, on August 15,1947 there was a tryst in parlemint in which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag.

    Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque, it can be dangerous because many people died of this plaque in Surat.

    Scams are all over India. One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their elected leader. The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland. In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.

    Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left, right and centre. It has started to library the economy. This means that there is now no need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself.

    India is also trying to become an Asian Tiger because its own tigers are being poached. Another important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive. At this place, shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population.
  5. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    How to Cheat in Aerobics
    by Mike Broderick

    Aerobics classes are an excellent way to burn off those excess calories
    and tone those muscles in need of fine tuning. At least that is what
    people who own gyms would have you believe - unless, of course, they are
    trying to sell you time on a computerized rowing machine instead.

    I used to believe all those television ads that told me I could attain a
    high level of physical fitness in the privacy of my own living room.
    Using a variety of torturous instruments seemingly designed by
    unemployed executioners, I could tone and firm various portions of my
    anatomy in just three easy payments.

    My rowing machine now stands in the corner of my balcony where I use it
    as a laundry rack. My easy-to- store GUTBUSTER is easily stored in my
    sock drawer, and I split the seams on my Trim Jeans. My cross country
    skiing simulator only comes out at yard sales were it remains unsold.
    Prospective buyers must be unimpressed by my physique and assume the
    machine is a waste of money.

    My apartment is a graveyard of grim reminders of my commitment to
    physical fitness. After all the money I spent, the only reducing that
    was done was to the inside of my bank account. But fitness means pain,
    and pain means misery. If there is any truth to the adage that misery
    loves company, then to become truly physically fit, you need to roll off
    the couch and into an aerobics class.

    For those who don't know, aerobics classes are hour long sessions of
    spine popping stretches, shoulder knotting arm swings, thigh cramping
    knee bends, heart and lung mutilating cardio segments, abdominal denting
    sit-ups, and a host of buttock maneuvers designed to make your bum feel
    like it is being massaged by a herd of stampeding bison.

    All this carnage is carried out under the vigilance of an instructor who
    is so well proportioned that she could easily pause mid-sit-up to pose
    for a glamour magazine.

    While we sweat, the instructor merely glistens. While our hearts and
    lungs sound like threshing machines, she calmly chants, "Forty more. Yes
    you can. Keep it up. Keep it up." Later, when you emerge from that soggy
    pool of your own perspiration, you learn that she gave birth three days

    Needless to say, attending an aerobics class can be a rather
    intimidating proposition. One needs not only to match movements with the
    instructor, but also with the rest of the class. This will help you
    avoid the embarrassment of collision. You also don't want to be branded
    a show-off by falling over.

    But there is some hope. After months of attending these torture
    sessions, I have devised a systematic strategy for becoming fit by
    aerobics. Introducing: Mike Broderick's 5-Step System for Cheating at

    1) Avoid Beginners' Classes.

    Beginners' classes are particularly dangerous for the beginner. Here the
    instructor feels compelled to leave the stage and stroll among the class
    to assure herself that each person is in enough pain. In advanced
    classes, she stays up front where she belongs.

    2) Learn to Create Diversions.

    It is considered bad form to scream in pain just because your thigh has
    developed a charley horse that could win the Triple Crown. It is more
    acceptable to plan your workout by wrapping an elastic bandage around
    your knee. This will permit you to pause occasionally to massage that
    throbbing muscle. Everyone will admire your dedication to fitness, and
    your aggressive attitude to your own recovery.

    3) Hold the Velcro.

    Sadistic athletic footwear manufacturers, always alert to the
    possibilities of making money in the fitness industry, now use velcro
    strips in place of shoe laces. To cheat at aerobics, you need laces -
    the longer the better. With loose tying, they can be trained to come
    undone during the cardio segment. This should be at about the time you
    realize that one more jumping jack will kill you.

    When you mercilessly whip your classmates with your extra long laces,
    you can take a break to retie them. Also, if you can engineer a
    substantial snarl for a knot, you can miss half the abdominal section.
    This is usually done with the shoes off.

    4) Jockey for the Best Strategic Position.

    Working the ham muscles means getting into a position on the elbows,
    hands, and knees that anywhere else would be compromising. The position
    is complicated, involving a pelvic tilt (whatever that is), and
    extending one arm while waving a leg about in a variety of unusual
    directions. The trick here is to get behind someone who is large enough
    to block your view of the instructor. This way you can take a periodic
    break by standing up and comparing her position with hers.

    The problem here is that I am usually the largest person in the class.
    All my classmates jockey for position behind me.

    5) How to Cheat at Push-Ups.

    The push-up is the time honoured test of strength. The tough drill
    sergeant will snap, "GIMME FIFTY," to the reluctant recruit. This is
    appropriate punishment for some heinous crime such as forgetting to put
    the toilet seat down. The tough and glamorous aerobics instructor will
    likewise snap, "Ninety push-ups," to the class. The class, in need of
    extra adrenaline to make it through the ordeal, responds by cheering.

    Be sure to watch what is happening. Your classmates all have their knees
    bent and resting on the floor. The resistance becomes counterbalanced by
    your feet. Now that's built-in cheating. Depending on the size of your
    feet, a good portion of your mass is eliminated from the push-up.

    Do ten real push-ups with your legs straight. This should take about the
    same length of time as doing ninety fake ones.

    My 5-Step System for Cheating at Aerobics is one that works. If you are
    going to cheat at aerobics, you have to be there. You will automatically
    get caught up in the enthusiasm of the class. You may even grow to like
    some of the techno music played (though I doubt it.) Soon you will find
    the need to cheat lessen as you become stronger and stronger. As an
    example, just this morning I was almost able to do eleven push- ups.

    Aerobics Instructors

    Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well-mannered
    professional torturer?
    A. The torturer would apologize first.

    Q. Why did the aerobics instructor cross the road?
    A. Someone on the other side could still walk.

    Q. What do aerobics instructors and people who make bacon have in common?
    A. They both tear hams into shreds.

    Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!

    Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics
    instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground
    A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

    Q. What do you call an aerobics instructor who doesn't cause pain & agony?
    A. Unemployed.

    Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
    A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

    To Exercise Or Not To Exercise

    1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you
    add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to
    spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per

    2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60.
    She is now 97 and we don't know where the hell she is.

    3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could
    hear heavy breathing again.

    4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't
    lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

    5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain
    figures out what I am doing.

    6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he
    would have put them further up our body.

    7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people
    who annoy me.

    8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

    9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die

    10. If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a
    small country.

    11. And last, but not least, I don't jog - it makes the ice jump
    right out of my glass.
  6. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    High School Howlers
    A compilation of actual GCSE answers
    1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
    2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
    3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
    4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
    5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
    6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
    7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
    8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
    9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
    10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
    11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
    12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
    13. In mid evil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
    14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
    15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
    16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
    17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
    18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
    19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
    20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
    21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
    22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
    23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. His mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
    24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
    25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
    26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
    27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
    28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
    29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
    30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
    31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
    32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
  7. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    Driving in India
    This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman who spent two years in Bangalore, India, as a visiting expert. A little long article but worth reading it!!!
    Driving in Bangalore / India
    For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
    Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
    The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.
    Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
    Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
    Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
    Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
    Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
    Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
    Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
    One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
    Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.
    Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.
  8. A young lady is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

    She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the
    left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you''

    The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?''

    "Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''
  9. Identify States of India

    Scenario 1
    Two guys are fighting and a thrid guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
    You are in Kolkatta

    Scenario 2
    Two guys are fighting and a thrid guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
    That's Mumbai

    Scenario 3
    Two guys are fighting and a thrid guy comes along & tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up.
    That's Delhi

    Scenario 4
    Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai/kapi stall ---
    That's anywhere in Kerala

    Scenario 5
    Two guys are fighting and a third guy come along, then a fourth and they start to figure out an algorithm to solve the fight , without actually getting involved ;making sure they earn a lot of foreign currency for the state
    Then you are in Bangalore

    Scenario 6
    Two guys are fighting and a third guy come along, dont even tries to make out what had happened start hitting one of them and then go with the second guy ask him to pay for his effort with a beer...
    that's Gurgaon

    Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along quietly and gives 3-4 slaps to one of them and vanishes away
    then u r surely in UP.
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2011
  10. A Bus Station is where a Bus Stops...
    A Railway Station is where the Train Stops...
    But On My Desk, I've a Work Station
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