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HUMOR - Ha hA Ha

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by NAREN64, Jul 13, 2010.

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  1. Bala

    Bala Esperto

    Good ones Naren,especially the SWIFT ::D ::OO
    Binzi,nice ones,you told the side effects of working in IT,here is the real time side effect of being a Doc !
    When a friend wished me Happy Diwali,I wished him back- Happy new year!!,shacking his hands,needless to say that he was terribly shaken and I did not realize the folly for 5 minutes ::O ::V
    If you need to know more about the side effects of being a Doc,let me know.. :lol:
  2. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    Soap Story

    A Little Bit of Soap
    Cleaning up in the hotel business

    The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests.

    The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times.

    Dear Maid,
    Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my Bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Imperial Leather. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
    Thank you,

    S. Berman

    Dear Room 635,
    I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
    Kathy, Relief Maid

    Dear Maid
    I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Imperial Leather, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

    S. Berman

    Dear Mr. Berman,
    The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
    Thank you.
    Elaine Carmen Housekeeper

    Dear Miss Carmen,
    It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

    S. Berman

    Dear Mr. Berman,
    Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5PM.
    Thank you,
    Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

    Dear Mr. Kensedder,
    My bath-size Imperial Leather is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room, including my own bath-size Imperial Leather. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

    S. Berman

    Dear Mr. Berman,
    I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
    Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager

    Dear Mrs. Carmen,
    Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Imperial Leather. Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Imperial Leather. Please give me back my bath-size Imperial Leather.

    S. Berman

    Dear Mr. Berman,
    You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I personally returned the 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps, so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Imperial Leather. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
    Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

    Dear Mrs. Carmen,
    Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
    As of today I possess:
    1. On the shelf under the medicine cabinet -18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
    2. On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
    3. On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
    4. Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
    5. In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
    6. On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
    7. On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
    • Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted.
    • Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip.
    • May I suggest that my bedroom window-sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
    • One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-size Imperial Leather which I am keeping in the hotel’s Safe Deposit vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

    S. Berman
  3. anrad73

    anrad73 Amatore

    Thane, India
    [attachment=0:3cc9gk8e]Original SUV.jpg[/attachment:3cc9gk8e]

    Original SUV.jpg
  4. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. :cry:

    This is how it manifests:
    I decide to water my garden.
    As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
    As I start toward the garage, I notice there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
    I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
    I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
    So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
    But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
    I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
    I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
    As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
    I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
    I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
    So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
    Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
    At the end of the day:
    the car isn't washed,
    the bills aren't paid,
    there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
    the flowers don't have enough water,
    there is still only one cheque in my cheque book,
    I can't find the remote,
    I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
    Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.
    I realise this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll begin with washing my car!!
  5. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    Advice for the ladies...

    If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section
    Buy a dog.

    If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you
    Buy a dog.

    If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it
    Buy a dog

    If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want
    Buy a dog.

    If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
    Buy a dog.

    If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores
    Buy a dog.

    If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually
    Buy a dog.

    But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...


    … Buy a cat!
    (Bet you thought I was going to suggest a man?)
  6. nk4FIAT

    nk4FIAT Superiore

    Very good article.
    p.s. I got one more picture of FIAT taxis in Mumbai. Improved my collection.
  7. One of my friends comment read in facebook today :

    This iPhone autocorrect is worrying! Was trying to key in "got free wi-fi in the hotel" and it came out as "got free wife in the hotel"!!! Glad caught it before sending the sms...
  8. :lol: :lol: :evilsmile :evilsmile :evilsmile :evilsmile :evilsmile :evilsmile :evilsmile

    Good one bnzjon :clap :drinks :drinks
  9. ansal11

    ansal11 Esperto

    Thats a really good one... ::D
  10. Aanand

    Aanand Amatore

    This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
    Dear Diary,
    For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
    My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
    Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from
    holding it in the whole time she was around.
    This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
    Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a
    machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
    Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
    Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
    I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
    Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
    I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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