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HUMOR - Ha hA Ha

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by NAREN64, Jul 13, 2010.

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  1. Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.

    The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

    The man bought thousands at Rs.10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buyat Rs.20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

    Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs.25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

    The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

    In the absence of the man, the assistant told thevillagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs.50."

    The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

    Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!! !

    Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!
  2. Tony

    Tony Esperto

    Kalamboli, Navi Mumbai
    Grande Punto 1.2
    Dear God,
    :) My prayer for 2011 is for a fat bank account & a thin healthy body. ::O
    Please don't mix these up like you did last year. :A :shocked
  3. 1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints", But now they are called.. "IT professionals"

    2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

    3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
    Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many.

    4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary!
    BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company!

    5) Philosophy of life
    At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD, Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

    6) What is a Fear?
    Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!

    7) Useful
    Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
    No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

    8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
    Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
    Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!

    9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "
    Applicant: What is it?
    Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

    10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
    Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us.
  4. Two rednecks were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?"

    The other replies, "He had a farm."

    The first asks, "How do you spell it?"

    To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."
  5. Friend 1 - "I got a brand new Fiat for my wife."

    Friend 2 - "Wow. Thats a great exchange offer"
  6. With the increasing petrol prices, soon to be posted at Fuel Stations:

    "Avoid Girlfriend.... Save fuel"
  7. There were two little boys, 8 and 10 years old, very mischievous and naughty. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their city, their sons were probably involved.

    The boy's mother heard that a clergyman in the city had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning and 10-year-old in the afternoon to see the clergyman.

    The clergyman, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

    The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

    The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

    The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

    Dearest Samantha,

    I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 20th of June 2009. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 20th of June 2009 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
    Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

    Thanking you in anticipation.

    Yours sincerely, Max


    Dear Max,
    Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.
    Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.
    Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.
    Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

    Yours perhaps, Samantha!
  9. Emerging'ism' of the New Economy

    You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.

    You have 10 cows. You make them work so that they give milk of 100 cows

    GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

    Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow's milk.

    You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

    You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

    You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.

    You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.

    You don't have a cow You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

    You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

    You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world's thinnest milk.

    Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2...stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you.

    You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.

    You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work.

    You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

    You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.
  10. Tony

    Tony Esperto

    Kalamboli, Navi Mumbai
    Grande Punto 1.2
    ::O Touching Poem......*::O
    *I went to a party Mom,
    I remembered what you said.
    You told me not to drink, Mom,
    So I drank soda instead. ::T

    I really felt proud inside, Mom,
    The way you said I would.
    I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
    Even though the others said I should.

    I know I did the right thing, Mom,
    I know you are always right.
    Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
    As everyone is driving out of sight. :car

    As I got into my car, Mom,
    I knew I'd get home in one piece.
    Because of the way you raised me,
    So responsible and sweet.. :wink:

    I started to drive away, Mom,
    But as I pulled out into the road,
    The other car didn't see me, Mom,
    And hit me like a load. :traffic

    As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
    I hear the policeman say,
    "The other guy is drunk," Mom,
    And now I'm the one who will pay. :cry:

    I'm lying here dying, Mom....
    I wish you'd get here soon.
    How could this happen to me, Mom?
    My life just burst like a balloon.. :wink:

    There is blood all around me, Mom,
    And most of it is mine.
    I hear the medic say, Mom,
    I'll die in a short time. ::OO

    I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
    I swear I didn't drink.
    It was the others, Mom.
    The others didn't think.

    He was probably at the same party as I.
    The only difference is, he drank
    And I will die.

    Why do people drink, Mom?
    It can ruin your whole life.
    I'm feeling sharp pains now.
    Pains just like a knife. ::pP

    The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
    And I don't think it's fair.
    I'm lying here dying
    And all he can do is stare. :redcar

    Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
    Tell Daddy to be brave.
    And when I go to heaven, Mom,
    Put "GOOD BOY " on my grave.

    Someone should have told him, Mom,
    Not to drink and drive.
    If only they had told him, Mom,
    I would still be alive.

    My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
    I'm becoming very scared.
    Please don't cry for me, Mom.
    When I needed you, you were always there.

    I have one last question, Mom.
    Before I say good bye.
    I didn't drink and drive,
    So why am I the one to die?*

    *Someone took the effort to write this poem. So please, forward this
    to as many people as you can. And see if we can get a chain going
    around the world that will make people understand that don't mix
    and driving. :steering :helmet
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